Linking Lines and Longevity

The group we know as the Linists has its origins in a 10th-century monastery outside Chipping Camden, England. Decades before the Norman Conquest, these devout Benedictines received a visit from a mysterious Frenchman know only as l'Abbé de la Ligne.  

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The Abbé was most likely named for the book he brought with him, the astounding Livre des Lignes (or Book of Lines). Though only fragments of it survive, the book is said to describe how, through a strict regime of fasting, sleep deprivation, and the formation and maintenance of single-file lines, these monks could bring time to a standstill. Over centuries of patient practice of what they called "la vie de la ligne," the Linists developed the ability to stop the aging process.  

 

The Linists lived peacefully until 1539, when Henry VIII destroyed their monastery as part of his ongoing rampage against the religious establishment. The surviving Linists used the ruins of their home to build a boat and sail to America. (The fragment above recounts their voyage across the Atlantic.) When Puritans harassed and hunted them for heresy, the Linists went underground, relentless in their sacred mission to not only practice la vie de la ligne themselves, but to show others the way to eternal life.  

 

Over the past century, Linists have infiltrated Disneyland, the TSA, the DMV, and Comic Con. Though they are centuries old, they have learned to blend in with the lines they inspire, identifiable only by the forward-pointing arrows tattooed between their second and third toes to remind them of their mission.